For What It's Worth
by Frankielynn
Summary: The stage lights dim as I make my way to the mic. Even as my mind knows I won't find what I'm looking for, my eyes scan the crowd for him: The person that used to make this worth it. One-Shot.


**So, I have decided to give ffnet a second chance. I'm not posting my old fics back just yet (as they need a bit of rework), but they are all still around. But I am adding my new fics here as well as on my other sites. I hope you  
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**.Thank you to LyricalKris for betaing this one-shot as well as EmmaLee Rose for being my prereader super woman. You guys rock my socks.  
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**Also credit for song lyrics in this fic go to Bon Jovi and Hinder.  
**

**For What It's Worth**

**Jasper/ Edward**

* * *

I drink a lot more these days. One-night-stands in random hotel rooms, worn out songs played night after night. I'm tired. I feel tired. I look tired. I'm ready to go home. Fucked up thing is, there's no home to go to. Not without him.

The stage lights dim as I make my way to the mic. Even as my mind knows I won't find what I'm looking for, my eyes scan the crowd for him: The person that used to make this worth it.

The opening chord of the guitar sets off a memory in my head as I start to sing. I feel myself closing my eyes, my voice taking on a growl as I sing.

**_Sittin' here wasted and wounded at this old piano  
Tryin' hard to capture the moment this mornin' I don't know  
'Cause a bottle of vodka still lodged in my head  
And some blond gave me nightmares  
I think that she's still in my bed  
As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead_**

"_Hello. . . Edward?"_

"_What do you want? To tell me how sorry you are, or that you're coming home soon? Save it. Good-bye."_

"_Edward-"_

I hang the phone up when the dial tone clicks over. It's too late now. I can't say the thing he needs to hear, I can't say anything.

I let the memory hold me, as I hold each note I sing.

_**With an ironclad fist, I wake up and French kiss in the mornin'  
While some marchin' band keeps  
It's own beat in my head while we're talkin'  
About all of the things that I long to believe  
About love and the truth and what you mean to me  
And the truth is, baby you're all that I need  
**_

I remember his voice as I continue to sing, the pain, the years of regret I had caused. He asked me once if it was worth it, if losing him was worth the fifteen minutes of fame. I forget my answer now, but if I had it to do over again? No, no, it's not worth shit. Without him, I'm that lost and broken cliché you always hear about. Drugs and booze fill the nights I'm not fucking away my money and memories.

"_You can't make me chose, Edward. It's not you or the music, and I can live without the other. It's both, I need you both."_

"_Well I just need you. And if you can't give me that, it seems the choice has already been made." His voice broke as he headed for the door._

"_Edward!"_

"_Think of it as good for your music. Broken hearts sell better right?"_

_**I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses  
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails  
Oh I wanna be just as close as the holy ghost is  
Lay you down on bed of roses**_

The piano hits a high note, and an image of a door slamming fills my head. The muffled words spoken as Edward walked away from me. Why didn't I run after him, beg him to hear me out?

Too late.

_**Well I'm so far away each step that I take is on my way home  
A King's ransom in dimes I'd given each night  
Just to see through this pay phone  
Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through  
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you  
I'll just close my eyes and whisper, baby blind love is true**_

I had everything I ever wanted in Edward: Love, safety, trust, my best friend. And what do I have now? A few bucks more in the bank, a fleet of groupies willing to suck my cock, and a phone that never rings.

Yeah, life's fucking great.

_**I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses  
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails  
Oh I wanna be just as close as the holy ghost is  
Lay you down on bed of roses**_

The song starts to come to a close, my memories, however, are just getting started. I scan my eyes in the crowd one more time for the person who will be tonight's mistake, the person who will make me forget till I hit the next town, the next hell.

_I never meant for it to happen, but nights on the road and away from Edward always seemed to bring the worst out of me. _

_The bar was cold and I was drunk. When he tapped my shoulder and asked for my autograph, my fate was sealed. I woke up the next day hungover and confused, the body next to me feeling all wrong.**  
****  
Well the hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry  
The barkeeper's wig's crooked  
And she's givin' me the eye  
Well I might have said, "Yeah"  
But I laughed so hard I think I died**_

The nameless face looks like Edward; his eyes haunt me as they lock on me. I look away and focus on the song before my eyes, my body gives away my secrets. I'm not that man anymore, and Edward's not here. Edward's not going to be here.

_**Now it's you close your eyes, know I'll be thinkin' about you  
While my mistress she calls me to stand in her spotlight again  
tonight I won't be alone  
But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely  
I've got nothin' to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend**_

The words I sing, like that of a strong stinging whiskey cause me fight the urge to hold back my tears. An emotion, a memory, another memory washes over me as I sing the part I always hate, the part meant only for him.

_I feel him leaning over me as I try to write, his breath hot and tickling on my neck. _

"_What are you doing, babe?"_

"_Writing you my love song, my apology, my forgiveness." I kiss Edward's cheek and turn back to the open notebook._

"_That's a lot for one song to be, but knowing you, it'll be great." He takes one last peak over my shoulder and leaves me alone to my thoughts._

**I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses  
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails  
Oh I wanna be just as close as the holy ghost is  
Lay you down**

He loved my voice, the passion I had when I sang - When I sang to him. The slight growl and how my southern accent seemed to just leave me. The way I looked into his eyes. Damn I missed everything about those eyes. Their honesty, the truth I saw there._**  
**__**  
I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses  
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails  
I wanna be just as close as the holy ghost is  
Lay you down on bed of roses**__**  
**_

The chorus breaks and the song ends, I take my bow and make my exit. I need my life back, my real life. The place I'm home, honest and free. The place the memories are safe, The place Edward is.


End file.
